Empire Recap: All's Hair in Love & War

Let’s nominate Andre Lyon to compete on an upcoming episode of Chopped. Mind you, I have absolutely no idea if Empire‘s eldest son has any culinary skills whatsoever, but what he does (or had done) to a precocious little girl’s lustrous locks on this week’s episode tells me the man knows what to do when armed with a pair of kitchen shears. Cruel? Perhaps. (Though isn’t it time the Dorothy Hamill made a comeback with the 10-and-under set?) But there’s no denying Dre’s methods prove effective in bending Gina Gershon’s absolutely ridiculous/fabulous/not-so-subtly racist fashion designer Helene von Wyatt to his will. And anything that gives us Nessa’s bangin’ new single “Black Girl Magic” over tired Tiana’s umpeenth hip-sway gets my stamp of approval. In other news, Boo-Boo Kitty’s in heat, Leah’s in potentially hot water, and poor Jamal’s getting a lukewarm reception from his family when it comes to his latest songwriting escapade as well as his new attitude. (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-oooooooh.) With that said, let’s recap the action from Season 3, Episode 8, “The Unkindest Cut” — complete with homages to The Godfather and Showgirls — and a touch of shade for Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande. THAT! GOWN! IS ON FIYAAAAHHHH! | Cookie mashes up her street-friendly label with Helene’s couture line by scoring Tiana a slot as the centerpiece of the loopy designer’s latest show — impressing Angelo’s highfalutin mama in the process. Still, there’s an undercurrent of uncomfortable to the partnership, what with Helene yapping about straightening Tiana’s hair to conform to the “sleek” lines of her collection. Nessa however, watching from the sidelines, sees nothing but beauty, or at least opportunity, sighing three magic words to Andre: “I want this.” Before you can say “highly flammable,” Nessa is shadowing Tiana, and “accidentally” laying her white silk von Wyatt couture next to a blazing-hot iron. When the frock ends up crispier than the body Lucious left in D.A. Roxanne “Boobs McGee” Ford’s passenger seat, Tiana erupts, complaining...

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